Tim Tebow today announced the opening of the brand new TimTebow.com today, a website with premium paid access for reporters and members of the media who just can't get enough of the Broncos QB. For only $19.99 per month, ESPN commentators and talk radio hosts can get a behind the scenes look at Tebow's most personal information, just in case there is no trivial Tebow news they can use that day to shoehorn in another discussion of the quarterback.
"Wow, if there's one thing I love, it's talking and watching Tebow," said ESPN radio host Colin Cowherd. "As a member of the media, I just can't get enough! I signed up for the new site membership immediately, and can now debate whether or not he can be successful in the NFL, at any time and anywhere! Wow! He just tweeted to all us premium members that he made eggs for breakfast! He's already adjusted to breakfasts in the NFL! He's ready to take over this team now!"
The new website features a store where fans can continue to buy Tebow's number one selling jersey, as well jerseys of all the other popular third string QBs. You can pick up a Luke McCown jersey from the Jacksonville Jaguars, a Zac Robinson jersey from the New England Patriots, or a Chiefs jersey that just says Kansas City on the back. As even the league office and the actual Chiefs team don't really know who their third string QB is. Stunningly, not many Zac Robinson jerseys have been sold so far.
The site is also causing a stir because of its XXX section, which has photos and videos of a nude Tim Tebow working out and running fake combine tests. Many regular fans are confused about why the website is even in existence, as well as why the media is so in love with a good college QB who most agreed before the draft wouldn't do well in the pros.
"You tell them to shut up!" yelled Cowherd, when he heard of the public's skepticism. "It's not something we can explain here at ESPN, we just can't get enough Tebow. Sure, I've checked out the XXX section. Sure, I've seen the entire crew of NFL Live gathered around a laptop, and taking notes to break down his nude films. I say to everyone, don't judge me. It's just something I must watch, as it's in some way related to Tim Tebow. Let me just add that based on what I've "seen", he's definitely a "big leaguer", and ready to take over from Kyle Orton..."
The message boards on TimTebow.com are filled with ESPN analysts discussing with each other, everything about the QB. Current popular threads are "How sure are we he's a lock for Hall Of Fame first ballot?", "Should we fight to the death to see who gets to interview him if he ever comes in the ESPN offices?", and finally "Tim Tebow: Erotic Fanfic".