Tag:Los Angeles Dodgers
Posted on: August 31, 2010 8:57 am

Dodgers Pull Prank, Send Manny To White Sox

The Los Angeles Dodgers phoned the Boston Red Sox today to tell them they finally pulled a prank equal to the one done to them 3 years ago when they got Manny Ramirezed. The Dodgers famously fell for a classic Manny Ramirez, one of the most popular juvenile pranks, when they took Manny off waivers from Boston in 2007.

He went on to let minor injuries hamper his play until he finally fell out of favor with LA, and left the same way he was let go from Boston. But the hilarity ensued as the Dodgers phoned the White Sox to tell them they were placing Manny Ramirez on waivers.

"Yeah, the White Sox totally fell for the oldest trick in the book!" said coach Joe Torre as he talked to Theo Epstein. "I had to stifle the laughter as I told Ozzie Guillen I had a possible future hall of fame player who could help his team get in the playoffs this year. The fool actually went for it! He actually thinks Manny can help their team get to the playoffs!

"I put Manny in a box and sent him next day delivery via UPS immediately! These suckers aren't going to know what hits them when they open up this package!"

While this is only the latest most famous trick, a Manny Ramirezing is a common prank for kids. Many people have been called by children, asking if their refrigerator is running...and also if they would like to pick up Manny Ramirez off waivers.

If they should be foolish enough to say yes, they are then sent the troublesome player who proceeds to bring down the morale of their entire household. He refuses to run out ground balls, take out the trash, clean his hair and pine tar out of the bathtub after a shower, or play a day game of dominoes after a night game.

Eventually, the family has no choice but to place Manny on waivers in their front yard until a neighbor picks him up in a truck and takes him to their team.

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Posted on: June 2, 2009 10:09 am

Rockies Number One In Denver Man's Power Rankings

Woody Paige unveiled this week's MLB Power Rankings in the Denver Post, and not surprisingly the Colorado Rockies were again in the number one spot. Despite having the second worst record in all of Major League Baseball, they have remained consistently on top of his rankings for the entirety of the season.

"This team is showing a lot of determination this season," said Paige in the article. "Even during their three game sweep last weekend at home, they proved that they won't let blowouts phase them. After losing to the Dodgers in those games by a combined score of 38-13, you'd think they get blown out again by the next team they faced. But no, they only ended up losing by 4 the next day. That's mental toughness, and that's why this team is the best!"

Paige has moved those same division leading Dodgers at the bottom of his rankings, right under the 13-36 Washington Nationals, citing that LA is "All about scoring runs and pitching well. That's not all baseball is about, there are also the fundamentals."

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Posted on: May 12, 2009 9:37 am

New Red Sox Outfielders Antics Just Bay Being Bay

When Jason Bay took over for Manny Ramirez in left field for the Boston Red Sox last season, he knew he'd have some big shoes to fill. For many years, Manny's crazy behavior had been the subject of much debate. But, his hitting had always made up for his eccentricities. Many fans wondered if Bay would be able to live up these expectations.

So far this season he has delivered in the cleanup role for Boston, hitting .324 with 9 homers and 34 RBIs. But Bay hasn't been without a strange personality of his own, one the Boston faithful are having to adjust to like the man before.

"Jason has done some very strange things so far," said longtime fan Jim Creely. "Yesterday he hits a homerun, and then just drops his bat and goes to first base. He didn't stand there and watch it for 10 seconds, point at the pitcher, or even thump his chest! That's not how left fielders act here in Boston! But, that's just Bay being Bay! He's so crazy, but you've got to just accept it because he's such a great hitter."

Jim also questioned Jason's catching of a fly ball and then simply throwing it back to the infield. His son wanted to know why Bay didn't high five a fan, do a spin, or throw off his hat before catching the ball. He had to explain that Bay was just an eccentric sports personality, and that his son should never behave like that on the field. That's just Bay being Bay...

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Posted on: January 27, 2009 10:23 am

Torre's Book Good Enough To Make Sports Fans Read

Joe Torre's new 477-page biography, The Yankee Years, about his time coaching in New York, has been getting a lot of buzz recently in sports outlets for its controversial content. In it, Torre talks about the selfishness of A-Rod, his mistreatment at the hands of management, and the bad personel decisions that derailed the team after their 2000 championship. It's being talked about on sport radio and discussed on ESPN, and has sports fans actually interested in trying out books.

"This new book technology sounds really cool," said Yankees fan Norm Caldwell. "I called my son and asked about it, and apparently what they can do now is print words on a bunch of pieces of paper and then bind it with a colorful cover. They can contain all kinds of cool stuff, sometimes even pictures! He said it's a lot like the internet, only you can bring it with you. What will these inventors think of next?"

Caldwell says he is going to pick up this new book thing and give it a try.

"I've never done one of these books before, but I like to be on the cutting edge of technology. My wife even recommended I try a few, like Pride & Prejudice, War & Peace, and Harry Potter. She says they have even more words than Torre's book! This is so exciting! I even found this amazing place called The Library, where apparently you can rent books for free! You just sign up and then can take anything you want from there, it's like a free Blockbuster! I don't know how that place stays open, as it sounds like a horrible business model."

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Posted on: October 16, 2008 9:25 am
Edited on: October 16, 2008 9:27 am

Government Warns: Boring Phils-Rays Series Coming

President Bush addressed the nation Tuesday night around midnight, as the horrifying news had reached most of the population. "My fellow Americans," began the President. "By now you have all heard, it appears we are headed for one of the biggest disasters in the history of our great nation. We are on the brink of horrifically boring Rays-Phillies World Series. I want everyone to stay calm in this difficult time. I know all of you want to see teams with players who you don't need to have turn around so you know their names. You want to see what kind of excitement would happen if Joe Torre and Manny Ramirez were to return to Boston. But, it's looking like that is not going to happen now. We thought it couldn't get worse than the Rockies last year, but apparently it can. But, we are going to be strong, and face this World Series together, as one people."

When news of the Rays-Phillies merger were made public, the stock market took a nosedive. People began taking all their money out of FOX and MLB and putting it into sports like the NFL and preseason NBA, stuff people will still care about next week.

Even the presidential candidates began preparing bailout plans in case this disaster comes to fruition. Obama proposed airing a consolation World Series between the Red Sox and Dodgers, which would just happen to take place on FOX at the same dates and times. The actual World Series would be bumped to ESPN Deportes Dos. McCain called the plan reckless, and said he would pour public funds into lucrative time travel research. With it, he would go one year into the future, tape the 2009 World Series on his Tivo, and bring it back here for the nation the watch. Obama responded by saying we can not sacrifice our children's future World Series to save this one.

All around the country people have been stocking up on canned goods, chips, and snack cakes; food to eat while bored. One New Jersey man has built an entire World Series shelter underground for his family to go into, should this one happen. "I won't allow them to be exposed to such high levels of boring during that week," said the man. "Who knows what could happen with us not caring so much about these games. We might switch over to one of those CSI spinoffs or something. I can't allow that to happen."

The water cooler business has been one of the hardest hit, with sales down 70% for next week. "People in offices everyone are afraid to go get water," said a spokesman for Culligan. "When they get there, what could they possibly talk about? Did you see that hockey game last night? Please, that's crazy talk. It will just be too awkward. We have advised hospitals around the country to prepare for an influx of dehydration cases in emergency rooms. This World Series could have dire consequences on every aspect of our society."

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Posted on: October 2, 2008 9:49 am
Edited on: October 2, 2008 9:54 am

TSC's Keys To Victory: NL Edition

TSC presents our keys to victory for the MLB playoffs. Every website and news organization likes to offer its keys to victory, detailing what each of the teams making it into the postseason will need to do to attain victory. While they can rely on things such as scouting and research, we don't have the luxury of such things. We're covering the NL today, and the AL on Friday. Without any further adu, we present the TSC Keys To Victory:

  • Philadelphia Phillies: The Phillies have a lot to overcome in this series, they have a lot of failure in their team history which will haunt them. But even more dire than that, they have one of the gayest looking mascots in all of sports. This is the mascot that makes even Steely McBeam feel uncomfortable and homophobic when left alone with him in the mascots bathroom. He looks like a muppet serial killer, and has prevented the Phillies from being taken seriously for years. If they can overcome the foppishness of the Phillie Phanatic, they will be able to win.

  • Los Angeles Dodgers: They now have Manny Ramirez, a great player and a man who hates helmets more than any in the game. He throws it off whenever he runs around the bases, he smears his own feces all over the front of it, he can't stand his helmet. They need to make sure he takes it off as often as possible. It constricts the greatness that is his clutch hitting and lazy outfield play. If they uncage the hair, they will uncage the beast, and be able to take home a World Series.

  • Chicago Cubs: The Cubs have been cursed ever since they would not allow a man to bring his goat into Wrigley field 100 years ago. Now is there best shot to win a championship and they have to make right what they did wrong a century ago. To fix their err, they should not allow any humans to buy tickets for their playoff games at Wrigley, only goats. Put the tickets online. Livestock is surprisingly efficient with computers, despite their hooves. If you have a stadium full of baaing goats, the other team will really feel the pressure, and finally the curse will be off your shoulders.

  • Milwaukee Brewers: They have always been one of the most professional and respected organizations in baseball, mainly because of their extremely classy sausage race. It was a pure race for years with only a hot dog, bratwurst, polish sausage, and italian sausage taking part. But starting at the beginning of last season, they let a chorizo, or Spanish sausage into the races. This goes against everything the competition has stood for, and that's American traditions and values. There is nothing more American than a Polish sausage, and it's time we got back to that instead of this forced integration. I bet that chorizo crossed the border illegally to get in this country anyway, I want to see his papers from the meat-packing plant. Do the right thing, and Uncle Sam will bless you with a championship.
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Posted on: September 27, 2008 8:59 am
Edited on: September 27, 2008 9:20 am

Economy Forces Royals To Fold, Bought By Yankees

The recent economic downturn has meant hard times for several Major League teams. The Los Angeles Dodgers were forced to use bottles balsamic vinegar instead of champagne for their playoff clinching celebration last night, resulting in many jerseys ruined and many eyes burned. But it has hit nowhere harder than the Kansas City Royals who announced today that they were going under due to financial bankruptcy. But, all is not lost as the New York Yankees have acquired the assets of the Royals for $324 dollars.

Many fans are worried what this will mean for them and the future of their team, so Hank Steinbrenner held a press conference to address their concerns. "We want to assure everyone that your team will not be going anywhere," said Steinbrenner. "We will be renaming them the Kansas City Little Yankees. Yes, it is a little insulting and degrading of a name, but not anymore so than the baseball that has been played here over the past decade. Speaking of which, we want to assure everyone that the same Kansas City baseball you have come to love will still be played here. If ever a player starts performing well, especially a starting pitcher, they will be traded to the Yankees immediately.

"We know what you people here have come to expect, and we will not stand in the way of that like some giant corporation. One of the major reasons for the financial trouble of this team has been this stadium. It's so big, and you have a giant parking lot around the thing to boot. So, we're going to sell off the parking lot land and allow you to drive in a park right on the field. This will be a little hectic for the players, but you've got to deal with some things when you're the Little Yankees..."

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