Tag:Manny Ramirez
Posted on: August 31, 2010 8:57 am

Dodgers Pull Prank, Send Manny To White Sox

The Los Angeles Dodgers phoned the Boston Red Sox today to tell them they finally pulled a prank equal to the one done to them 3 years ago when they got Manny Ramirezed. The Dodgers famously fell for a classic Manny Ramirez, one of the most popular juvenile pranks, when they took Manny off waivers from Boston in 2007.

He went on to let minor injuries hamper his play until he finally fell out of favor with LA, and left the same way he was let go from Boston. But the hilarity ensued as the Dodgers phoned the White Sox to tell them they were placing Manny Ramirez on waivers.

"Yeah, the White Sox totally fell for the oldest trick in the book!" said coach Joe Torre as he talked to Theo Epstein. "I had to stifle the laughter as I told Ozzie Guillen I had a possible future hall of fame player who could help his team get in the playoffs this year. The fool actually went for it! He actually thinks Manny can help their team get to the playoffs!

"I put Manny in a box and sent him next day delivery via UPS immediately! These suckers aren't going to know what hits them when they open up this package!"

While this is only the latest most famous trick, a Manny Ramirezing is a common prank for kids. Many people have been called by children, asking if their refrigerator is running...and also if they would like to pick up Manny Ramirez off waivers.

If they should be foolish enough to say yes, they are then sent the troublesome player who proceeds to bring down the morale of their entire household. He refuses to run out ground balls, take out the trash, clean his hair and pine tar out of the bathtub after a shower, or play a day game of dominoes after a night game.

Eventually, the family has no choice but to place Manny on waivers in their front yard until a neighbor picks him up in a truck and takes him to their team.

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Posted on: May 12, 2009 9:37 am

New Red Sox Outfielders Antics Just Bay Being Bay

When Jason Bay took over for Manny Ramirez in left field for the Boston Red Sox last season, he knew he'd have some big shoes to fill. For many years, Manny's crazy behavior had been the subject of much debate. But, his hitting had always made up for his eccentricities. Many fans wondered if Bay would be able to live up these expectations.

So far this season he has delivered in the cleanup role for Boston, hitting .324 with 9 homers and 34 RBIs. But Bay hasn't been without a strange personality of his own, one the Boston faithful are having to adjust to like the man before.

"Jason has done some very strange things so far," said longtime fan Jim Creely. "Yesterday he hits a homerun, and then just drops his bat and goes to first base. He didn't stand there and watch it for 10 seconds, point at the pitcher, or even thump his chest! That's not how left fielders act here in Boston! But, that's just Bay being Bay! He's so crazy, but you've got to just accept it because he's such a great hitter."

Jim also questioned Jason's catching of a fly ball and then simply throwing it back to the infield. His son wanted to know why Bay didn't high five a fan, do a spin, or throw off his hat before catching the ball. He had to explain that Bay was just an eccentric sports personality, and that his son should never behave like that on the field. That's just Bay being Bay...

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Posted on: October 16, 2008 9:25 am
Edited on: October 16, 2008 9:27 am

Government Warns: Boring Phils-Rays Series Coming

President Bush addressed the nation Tuesday night around midnight, as the horrifying news had reached most of the population. "My fellow Americans," began the President. "By now you have all heard, it appears we are headed for one of the biggest disasters in the history of our great nation. We are on the brink of horrifically boring Rays-Phillies World Series. I want everyone to stay calm in this difficult time. I know all of you want to see teams with players who you don't need to have turn around so you know their names. You want to see what kind of excitement would happen if Joe Torre and Manny Ramirez were to return to Boston. But, it's looking like that is not going to happen now. We thought it couldn't get worse than the Rockies last year, but apparently it can. But, we are going to be strong, and face this World Series together, as one people."

When news of the Rays-Phillies merger were made public, the stock market took a nosedive. People began taking all their money out of FOX and MLB and putting it into sports like the NFL and preseason NBA, stuff people will still care about next week.

Even the presidential candidates began preparing bailout plans in case this disaster comes to fruition. Obama proposed airing a consolation World Series between the Red Sox and Dodgers, which would just happen to take place on FOX at the same dates and times. The actual World Series would be bumped to ESPN Deportes Dos. McCain called the plan reckless, and said he would pour public funds into lucrative time travel research. With it, he would go one year into the future, tape the 2009 World Series on his Tivo, and bring it back here for the nation the watch. Obama responded by saying we can not sacrifice our children's future World Series to save this one.

All around the country people have been stocking up on canned goods, chips, and snack cakes; food to eat while bored. One New Jersey man has built an entire World Series shelter underground for his family to go into, should this one happen. "I won't allow them to be exposed to such high levels of boring during that week," said the man. "Who knows what could happen with us not caring so much about these games. We might switch over to one of those CSI spinoffs or something. I can't allow that to happen."

The water cooler business has been one of the hardest hit, with sales down 70% for next week. "People in offices everyone are afraid to go get water," said a spokesman for Culligan. "When they get there, what could they possibly talk about? Did you see that hockey game last night? Please, that's crazy talk. It will just be too awkward. We have advised hospitals around the country to prepare for an influx of dehydration cases in emergency rooms. This World Series could have dire consequences on every aspect of our society."

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Posted on: October 2, 2008 9:49 am
Edited on: October 2, 2008 9:54 am

TSC's Keys To Victory: NL Edition

TSC presents our keys to victory for the MLB playoffs. Every website and news organization likes to offer its keys to victory, detailing what each of the teams making it into the postseason will need to do to attain victory. While they can rely on things such as scouting and research, we don't have the luxury of such things. We're covering the NL today, and the AL on Friday. Without any further adu, we present the TSC Keys To Victory:

  • Philadelphia Phillies: The Phillies have a lot to overcome in this series, they have a lot of failure in their team history which will haunt them. But even more dire than that, they have one of the gayest looking mascots in all of sports. This is the mascot that makes even Steely McBeam feel uncomfortable and homophobic when left alone with him in the mascots bathroom. He looks like a muppet serial killer, and has prevented the Phillies from being taken seriously for years. If they can overcome the foppishness of the Phillie Phanatic, they will be able to win.

  • Los Angeles Dodgers: They now have Manny Ramirez, a great player and a man who hates helmets more than any in the game. He throws it off whenever he runs around the bases, he smears his own feces all over the front of it, he can't stand his helmet. They need to make sure he takes it off as often as possible. It constricts the greatness that is his clutch hitting and lazy outfield play. If they uncage the hair, they will uncage the beast, and be able to take home a World Series.

  • Chicago Cubs: The Cubs have been cursed ever since they would not allow a man to bring his goat into Wrigley field 100 years ago. Now is there best shot to win a championship and they have to make right what they did wrong a century ago. To fix their err, they should not allow any humans to buy tickets for their playoff games at Wrigley, only goats. Put the tickets online. Livestock is surprisingly efficient with computers, despite their hooves. If you have a stadium full of baaing goats, the other team will really feel the pressure, and finally the curse will be off your shoulders.

  • Milwaukee Brewers: They have always been one of the most professional and respected organizations in baseball, mainly because of their extremely classy sausage race. It was a pure race for years with only a hot dog, bratwurst, polish sausage, and italian sausage taking part. But starting at the beginning of last season, they let a chorizo, or Spanish sausage into the races. This goes against everything the competition has stood for, and that's American traditions and values. There is nothing more American than a Polish sausage, and it's time we got back to that instead of this forced integration. I bet that chorizo crossed the border illegally to get in this country anyway, I want to see his papers from the meat-packing plant. Do the right thing, and Uncle Sam will bless you with a championship.
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Posted on: July 23, 2008 10:40 pm
Edited on: July 23, 2008 10:40 pm

Felon Manuel Vargas Just Manny Being Manny

Multiple Felon Manuel Vargas was found not guilty on Wednesday by a California judge. Vargas, who has served prison time twice in the past for both attempted murder and selling narcotics, was extremely happy with the news. His lawyer cited rarely utilized defense in Federal court known as the "Manny Being Manny Defense" to refute the current rape allegations leveraged against him by the District Attorney.

"Look, these kinds of things are just what Manny does," said the lawyer in a courtroom transcript. "He gets a bad wrap sometimes, but he's just having fun out there. Raping, dealing, killing, yeah he does all that. But he does it with a smile on his face! Everyone knows now, that's just Manny being Manny!"

The victim recounted the horrible crime, and even told of Manny turning around to give a passer-by a high-five during the rape. But this did little to sway the judge, who ordered Vargas to be cleared of all charges. He said the high five was just another "Signature Manny Moment" and looked forward to more hilarious crimes in the future. After the verdict was read, Vargas pulled out a knife from his pocket and stabbed the bailiff in the chest, laughing as he did. The small crowd in attendance chuckled together and said in unison, "that's our Manny!"


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