After the first 0-16 season in the history of the NFL, the Detroit Lions are looking for any way they can turn around the direction of their franchise. They hope to have made a big change with the unveiling today of a new logo, uniforms, and franchise quarterback.
The Lions held a press conference in Detroit to show off their new duds and team identity to the public for the first time. Their logo is now not that of a leaping blue lion, as it has been in the past, but that of a stylized American patriot looking forward while his colonial hat tails off behind him. They also showed off new uniforms that were silver, blue, and red, and looked suspiciously like those of the New England Patriots.
The press immediately began asking why their uniforms looked exactly like those of the team from Foxboro and what the man in the colonial hat had to do with lions.
"This is Liontamer Pat," said Detroit GM Martin Mayhew. "As everybody knows, liontamers are one of the oldest professions, dating back to the 1700's in American circuses. Hopefully people are excited about this new look for us, and we know it looks a lot like some other uniforms you have seen in the past. But that other team seemed mighty successful, so we are just going to try these out and see if we can have a little of that success too."
Mayhew then announced the signing of an undrafted free agent named Bom Trady to be their new franchise quarterback. Trady came out from behind a curtain to a cautious applause from the press, who quickly began trying to research on their laptops anything they could on this enigmatic young man. They found no record of his play in either high school or college, but Mayhew assured them that he was an exciting player who could throw the football like the best in the business.
Trady's height and weight are surprisingly the exact same as that of last year's starter Jon Kitna, but the team hopes he will have more success than that signal caller. Bom also strangely wears a Tom Brady halloween mask, but Mayhew assured the media that is was only due to the fact that he suffered horrific burns to his face as a kid. Jon Kitna was unavailable for comment at the time of the article, apparently he has been missing ever since the signing of the new QB.
The new Lions jerseys are now on sale in the NFL Shop, with a lot of confused fans trying to make sure they don't accidentally buy one when trying to get one they will not get made fun of for wearing, that of the New England Patriots.